1. Because reserving an entire section of the store for Memorial Day soirees, crispy cabaret linens, post-prom line-up BBQs and Kenny Lattimore jazz cruise brunches on skinny rivers proves that someone at Macy’s clearly did their research and knows we’re approaching prime “niggas throwing and/or attending parties where you’re mandated to wear all white” party season.
2. Because from now on, I think we should just refer to all displays of all-white clothing in department stores as the “Lattimore.”
3. Because the Lattimore in this Macy’s even has the blackest of mannequins.
4. Because from now on, I also think we should just refer to black mannequins as the “Unsullied.”
5. Because while as grating as it is when someone grants a white person a mythical invitation to “the cookout” as a reward for just not being a terrible person—AND WHY ARE YOU INVITING EXTRA PEOPLE TO COOKOUTS ANYWAY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT THE MEATS ARE ALREADY SPARSE AND ALL YOUR BLACK ASS BROUGHT WAS SOME PRINGLES???—no one would dare extend that offer to a white party.
6. Because the only white people you’ll find at white parties are Uber drivers and Dirk Nowitzki.
7. Because that might be irony but I’m kinda scared to call it that because I’m not quite sure if it is and I don’t want to get irony-shamed.
8. Because this Lattimore even has age and behavioral diversity. You have the awkwardly printed vests for cat daddies and Kappas. The white polo shirts for niggas who have to work the day of the party and won’t be able to go home and change. The ripped Levi’s for fuckboys and Libertarians; the linen shorts for retired fuckboys and Republicans; and a short-sleeved hoodie contraption for Drake and Cory Booker.
9. Because this Macy’s also has a deal where if you buy over $100 worth of clothing, you get an access code to a specifically curated cookout playlist that Macy’s partnered with Spotify and Questlove to create.
10. Because I totally made that last one up but you believed it was true because if the Lattimore exists then anything’s possible.
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