Entertainment (183)

LGTBQ characters of color on television are steadily increasing, especially on television, where 47 percent of all regular characters on broadcast scripted TV series are people of color, a three percent increase and a record high, according to a new report released by GLAAD. In addition, and for the second year in a row, the report titled “GLAAD we’re on TV” confirmed that LGBTQ characters of color are outnumbering their White counterparts, representing 52 percent compared to 48 percent. GLAAD had challenged all platforms–broadcast, cable, and streaming–to make at least half of LGBTQ characters on each platform be people of color, within the next two years.  

“Last year, GLAAD called on the television industry to increase the number of LGBTQ characters and more accurately reflect the world we live in, and they responded by exceeding this challenge,” Sarah Kate Ellis, president and CEO of GLAAD told Deadline in an article published today (November 8). “At a time when the cultural climate is growing increasingly divisive, increased representation of LGBTQ stories and characters on television is especially critical to advance LGBTQ acceptance. Shows like ‘Pose,’ ‘Schitt’s Creek,’ ‘Batwoman’ and ‘Billions’ demonstrate that not only are LGBTQ stories and characters on TV becoming more diverse, but that viewers everywhere continue to respond with extreme positivity.”

The report emphasized the importance of TV watchers having access to diversity by noting that The Public Religion Research Institute found that less than 25 percent of Americans have a close friend or family member who is transgender, which means that much of what’s learned comes from what they see in media and on their screens. “This is why the historic casting of Brian Michael Smith as Paul Strickland–primetime scripted broadcast TV’s first Black, transgender man series regular character–on FOX’s mid-season drama ‘9-1-1: Lone Star’ is so important,” said the study.

Additional key findings from the report:

  • When it comes to racial diversity, of the 120 regular characters on broadcast, 52 percent are people of color, a two-percentage point increase from last year with six more characters. This marks the second year in a row where LGBTQ people of color have outnumbered White LGBTQ people on broadcast, making broadcast the only platform to meet the goal of having at least half of LGBTQ characters be characters of color.

  • Another record-high percentage was with Latinx characters, up one percent to nine. Black series characters held steady at 22 percent, while Asian Pacific Islanders represented eight percent across broadcast television regular characters. 

  • On the cable and streaming side, diversity is moving a bit slower: Cable has 48 percent who represent characters of color–up two percentage points from last year–whereas streaming has shown 41 percent people of color, a seven percentage point drop from last year. 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

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Foster care and adoption agencies will soon be able to legally refuse their services to families in the LGBTQ+ community if a new rule put forth by the Trump administration goes into effect. 

On Friday (November 1), the United States Department of Health and Human Services (HHSproposed a rule that would reverse a 2016 discrimination regulation that included sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes. Per the HHS:

The proposed rule represents the Trump administration’s strong commitment to the rule of law—the Constitution, federal statutes and Supreme Court decisions. These require that the federal government not infringe on religious freedom in its operation of HHS grant programs and address the impact of regulatory actions on small entities.

White House Deputy Press Secretary Judd Deere told The Hill in an interview: “The administration is rolling back an Obama-era rule that was proposed in the 12 o’clock hour of the last administration that jeopardizes the ability of faith-based providers to continue serving their communities. The federal government should not be in the business of forcing child welfare providers to choose between helping children and their faith.”

The majority of the more than 400,000 children in the foster care system are people of color, according to a 2017 report, with 23 percent of them identified as Black, 21 percent as Latinx and 9 percent listed as “other races/multiracial.”

Reports The New York Times:

The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law estimated in a report that 114,000 same-sex couples in 2016 were raising children in the United States. Same-sex couples with children were far more likely than different-sex couples with children to have an adopted child, 21.4 percent versus 3 percent, the report found.

Alphonso David, president of Human Rights Campaign, called the proposal “horrific” in a statement and also said it would “permit discrimination across the entire spectrum of HHS programs receiving federal funding. The Trump-Pence White House is relying on the same flawed legal reasoning they’ve used in the past to justify discrimination against LGBTQ people and other communities.”

The rule is expected to be published in the Federal Register on Monday (November 4), after which there will be a 30-day comment period and an effective date for the rule unless a legal challenge halts implementation.

 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

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Actor and comedian Mo’Nique filed a lawsuit against Netflix over race and gender discrimination in a Los Angeles court on Thursday (November 14), The Hollywood Reporter reported. “Netflix courted Mo’Nique, saw what she had to offer and made her an offer. But the offer Netflix made Mo’Nique wreaked of discrimination; it perpetuated the pay gap suffered by Black women,” notes the suit. 

The performer is suing the streaming company for racial and gender discrimination over the $500,000 offer she received to do a stand-up special. In the suit, Mo’Nique compares her offer to what other comedians were reportedly paid: Jerry Seinfeld ($100 million), Eddie Murphy ($70 million), Dave Chappelle ($60 million), Chris Rock ($40 million), Ellen DeGeneres ($20 million), Jeff Dunham ($16.5 million) and Ricky Gervais ($40 million). The 38-page suit also includes headshots of seven Netflix executives, all White, as visual support for the company’s “complete lack of racial diversity.”

“In short, as this lawsuit shows, Netflix’s treatment of Mo’Nique began with a discriminatory low-ball offer and ended with a blacklisting act of retaliation,” states the complaint. Netflix told THR that its offer to Mo’Nique was fair and that it will fight the lawsuit.

 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

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Stand-up comedian Margaret Cho isn’t one to back down from a controversial topic, and her appearance on the latest episode of Daily Beast’s podcast The Last Laugh, which aired Tuesday (November 19), is right on brand. She talks about the new opportunities available to Asian-American comedians, Dave Chappelle’s criticism of the bisexual community, Shane Gillis’ firing from SNL for racist comments and the backlash she received for exaggerating a North Korean character at the 2015 Golden Globes. 

Cho broke boundaries in 1994 when she starred in the ABC sitcom “All-American Girl,” the first and only sitcom to center an Asian American family until “Fresh off the Boat” debuted 20 years later. But she never had the opportunity to write or produce that her White male counterparts enjoyed. “They never opened that door for me, I would have had to force it open and I just didn’t know. I didn’t know of any other Asian-American comedians who I could ask,” said Cho. “I just didn’t have the knowledge or capacity to know I should demand that.” But now that doors are opening, Cho said she’s hopeful. “I would love to see more and I have seen some more, but I think there’s still some way to go in terms of diversity.”

 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

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It has been 30 years since the United States signed the United Nation’s Convention on the Rights of the Child, a human rights treaty meant to protect children around the globe. In honor of this anniversary, a U.N. human rights expert was in Geneva on Monday (November 18) to discuss a new study on the current treatment of children around the world, NPR reports. In it, the author writes that the United States is guilty of “inhuman treatment for both the parents and the children.”

Manfred Nowak, a human rights lawyer based in Vienna, Austria, wrote “Global Study on Children Deprived of Liberty,” which says the Trump administration’s family separation policy is “absolutely prohibited” by the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The study was commissioned in October 2016.

“And there are still quite a number of children that are separated from their parents—and neither the children know where the parents are, nor the parents know where the children are. So that is something that definitely should not happen again,” Nowak said during his remarks, per NPR.

The study “estimates that the U.S. is still holding more than 100,000 children in migration-related detention,” NPR reports. Nowak added in his speech, “That’s far more than all the other countries where we have reliable figures.” In fact, he said the U.S. incarcerates more children than anywhere else in the world:

“In general, the incarceration rate in the United States is very high also of adults, and that you see also with children. So it’s about 60 out of 100,000” children, Nowak said. “And that is the highest that we could find, followed by others like Bolivia, or Botswana, or Sri Lanka….”In general,” Nowak said, “the North American region is the one with the by far highest regional imprisonment rate of children.”

As NPR reports, the U.S. signed but never ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child, which means the convention’s rules “do not formally apply to the United States of America.” However, Nowak still believes the country should be held accountable for its atrocities thanks to other civil rights treaties.

“In my opinion, the way, how they were separating infants from the families only in order to deter irregular migration from Central America to the United States of America, for me, constitutes inhuman and degrading treatment, and that is absolutely prohibited” by those other international treaties, he said.

“I am deeply convinced that these are violations of international law,” Nowak said. He added, “The same is also true for the high number of children being deprived of liberty in the administration of justice” in the U.S.

Nowak emphasized the importance of valuing children in his talk. “Children should live, or grow up, in families—their own families, foster families, family-type settings,” he said, “and not in institutions where they’re in fact deprived of liberty, where there’s strict discipline, there’s a lot of violence. There’s no love.”

 

Source: https://www.colorlines.com/

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Throughout history, black women have faced the uphill battles of both racial and gender biases, especially in male-dominated STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) fields. Even so, many overcome their adverse circumstances, making invaluable contributions to the scientific community, particularly in the United States Space Program. The issue, however, is that the contributions these brilliant pioneers made largely went unnoticed.

NASA scientists including Katherine JohnsonDorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson began to get some overdue credit, however, when author Margot Lee Shetterly released her 2016 tome, Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race

A film adaptation with the shortened title, Hidden Figures, hit theaters the same year to great acclaim, earning three Oscar nominations, including one for Best Picture.

These works told the stories of the women of color largely hired by the National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics (NACA, later NASA) during World War II to work as “human computers,” manually crunching numbers, filling the many vacancies left by those fighting the war overseas. 

 

President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a 1941 executive order into law that prohibited racial, religious and ethnic discrimination in the country’s defense injury, thus paving the way for these “hidden figures’” advancements. While there are no official numbers on how many women filled these roles over the years, experts have estimated there were several hundred over the years. (Shetterly’s estimate was in the thousands.)

Of course, black women’s contributions aren’t limited to NASA. Here are 10 of the women who used their brains to skyrocket to the top of their fields.

 

Katherine Johnson

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Katherine Johnson poses for a portrait at work at NASA Langley Research Center in 1966

Photo: NASA/Donaldson Collection/Getty Images

Neil Armstrong's "one small step for man" may not have happened without this woman. Just weeks after Katherine Johnson began a position as one of Langley Research Center's human computers in 1952, supervisors transferred the summa cum laude West Virginia State College graduate (with degrees in both mathematics and French) from the African-American computing pool to the flight research division. There, Johnson performed the NASA calculations that made possible the manned space missions of the early 1960s as well as the 1969 moon landing.

 

Even astronaut John Glenn put his full faith in Johnson, requesting she re-do all-electronic computer calculations before he embarked on his 1962 Earth orbits. Glenn has been quoted as remarking, “If she says they’re good, then I’m ready to go.”

Aside from earning a 2015 Presidential Medal of Freedom, Johnson was portrayed by actress Taraji P. Henson in 2016's Hidden Figures.

Dorothy Vaughan

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Dorothy Vaughan (l) in 1950

Photo: Smith Collection/Gado/Getty Images

Also a central part of Hidden Figures (in which was played by actress Octavia Spencer), Dorothy Vaughan left her position as a high school math teacher for a "temporary war job" in Langley's all-black group of female mathematicians known as the West Area Computing Unit in 1949. During what would become a nearly decade-long career, Vaughan became NASA's first African-American manager, eventually heading up the West Area Computing Unit.

An expert in NASA's programming coding language known as FORTRAN, she worked on the SCOUT (Solid Controlled Orbital Utility Test) Launch Vehicle Program that put America’s first satellites into space. Before her retirement from NASA in 1971, she also worked closely with Johnson on the computations for Glenn's orbital space missions.

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Mary Jackson

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Mary Jackson poses for a photo at work at NASA Langley Research Center in 1977

Photo: Bob Nye/NASA/Donaldson Collection/Getty Images

Mary Jackson began working under Vaughan's supervision in the segregated West Area Computing section as a computer in 1951. After two years in that role, the former teacher (who was portrayed in Hidden Figures by actress and musician Janelle Monae) transitioned to working for engineer Kazimierz Czarnecki on wind tunnel experiments.

At Czarnecki's urging, she took engineering classes, and, after being promoted to aeronautical engineer in 1958, Jackson officially became NASA’s first black female engineer. After helping develop the space program throughout her successful career (during which she authored or co-authored about 12 research reports), the Virginia native took a demotion to fill the role of Langley’s Federal Women’s Program Manager. In that position, she devoted her time to helping other women find STEM jobs at NASA.

Dr. Gladys West

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Dr. Gladys West at her induction into the Air Force Space and Missile Pioneers Hall of Fame at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. on December 6, 2018.

Photo: Adrian Cadiz

When Gladys West was inducted into the Air Force Space and Missile Pioneers Hall of Fame in December 2018, the organization hailed her as the hidden figure whose mathematical work lead to the invention of the Global Positioning System (GPS). In 1956, she began working at the U.S. Naval Weapons Laboratory and helped produce a study that proved the regularity of Pluto’s motion relative to Neptune.

 

Also while at U.S. Naval Weapons Laboratory, she programmed an IBM 7030 “Stretch” computer that delivered refined calculations for an “extremely accurate geodetic Earth model, a geoid, optimized” for what would eventually become known as GPS.

Dr. Mae Jemison

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Mae Jemison

Photo: SSPL/Getty Images

Mae Jemison was a woman with many firsts to her credit. She was working in the medical field as a General Practitioner and attending graduate engineering classes in Los Angeles when NASA admitted her to its astronaut training program in June 1987. After more than a year of training, she became the first African-American woman astronaut, holding the title of science mission specialist.

On September 12, 1992, Jemison, along with six other astronauts, launched into space aboard the Endeavour, and with that earned the distinction of the first African-American woman in space as well. During her eight-day mission, Jemison conducted experiments on weightlessness and motion sickness. Prior to her career as an astronaut, she also acted as a Peace Corps medical officer for Sierra Leone and Liberia.

Dr. Shirley Jackson

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Dr. Shirley Jackson stands with President Barack Obama before receiving the National Medal of Science, during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House on May 19, 2016, in Washington, DC.

Photo: Drew Angerer/Getty Images

A theoretical physicist, Shirley Jackson was the first black woman to graduate with a Ph.D. from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in any field (Her Ph.D. is in Theoretical Elementary Particle Physics) and also just the second African-American woman to earn a doctorate in physics in U.S. history. 

During her tenure at what was formerly known as AT&T Bell Laboratories' Theoretical Physics Research Department in the 1970s and 1980s, she has been credited as helping develop the technology that enabled caller ID and call waiting.

President Barack Obama selected Jackson, a onetime chair of the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission, to receive the National Medal of Science in 2015. She is currently serving as the president of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, also making her the first African-American woman to lead a top-ranked research university.

Dr. Patricia Bath

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Dr. Patricia Bath

The first female African-American medical doctor to complete an ophthalmology residency and also the first to receive a medical patent, Patricia Bath invented a laser cataract treatment device called a Laserphaco Probe in 1986. (The co-founder of the American Institute for the Prevention of Blindness patented her invention in 1988.)

 

Her research on health disparities between African-American patients compared to those of other races lead to the creation of a volunteer-based "community ophthalmology," offering treatment to underserved populations.

Dr. Marie M. Daly

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Dr. Marie Daly

After receiving her B.S. and M.S. in chemistry from Queens College and New York University respectively, Marie Daly went on to complete her Ph.D. at New York City's Columbia University. Upon graduating in 1947, she earned the distinction of being the first African-American woman to receive a chemistry Ph.D. in the U.S.

Daly's groundbreaking research included studies of the effects of cholesterol on the mechanics of the heart, the effects of sugars and other nutrients on the health of arteries and the breakdown of the circulatory system as a result of advanced age or hypertension.

Annie Easley

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Annie Easley

Photo: NASA/Interim Archives/Getty Images

Another major contributor to the U.S. Space Program, Annie Easley worked on myriad projects for NASA over the course of her 30-year careers as a mathematician and rocket scientist. Like Johnson, Vaughan and Mary Jackson, she first worked as a computer and then eventually became a programmer.

Aside from conducting studies on battery-powered vehicles, Easley also worked on shuttle launches and designed and tested a NASA nuclear reactor. She was also a "leading member of the team which developed software for the Centaur rocket stage, which laid the technological foundations for the Space Shuttle launches and launches of communication, military and weather satellites," per NASA.

Dr. Alexa Canady

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Dr. Alexa Canady

In 1984, Alexa Canady, a cum laude graduate of the University of Michigan's medical school, became the first African-American woman to be certified by the American Board of Neurological Surgery. Canada, who also earned B.S. in zoology from the University of Michigan, would later take on the role of chief of neurosurgery at Children’s Hospital of Michigan at just 36 years old, and, while there, she specialized in congenital spinal abnormalities, hydrocephalus, trauma and brain tumors.

 

Source: https://www.biography.com/

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Jackie Robinson, best remembered for integrating major league baseball, also left behind an impressive record as a crusader for African-American rights—after he hung up his cleats.
 

Jackie Robinson poses in his batting stance. Robinson broke baseball's color barrier when he joined the Dodgers in April 1947, going on to be named National League Rookie of the Year. 

On April 15, 1947, Jackie Robinson trotted out to first base for the Dodgers at Brooklyn's Ebbets Field, erasing the unofficial color line that had stood in big league baseball for nearly 60 years. By the end of the season his dazzling play had earned him baseball's inaugural Rookie of the Year Award, cementing the belief that blacks more than deserved a place alongside the best white players in the national pastime. 

For many, the story of Jackie Robinson ends there. Or maybe when he was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962. What often goes untold is his continued battle for equality after leaving baseball, a period that lasted nearly twice as long as his major league career.

After announcing his retirement from the sport in early 1957, Robinson was named vice president for personnel at the Chock Full O' Nuts coffee company. He also joined the NAACP as chair of its million-dollar Freedom Fund Drive, eventually earning election to the organization's board of directors. 

 

However, executive positions weren't enough for the former athlete, whose competitive juices had him itching to get back into the public arena. He joined Martin Luther King Jr. as honorary chairmen of the Youth March for Integrated Schools in 1958, and became involved with Dr. King's Southern Christian Leadership Conference. He also began writing a syndicated newspaper column, through which he mused on matters of race relations, family life and politics. 

Jackie Robinson: The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and baseball Hall-of-Famer Jackie Robinson chat together before a press conference in New York.  
 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and baseball Hall-of-Famer Jackie Robinson chat together before a press conference in New York.  

Robinson took to advocating advancement through "the ballot and the buck." He became a prominent political supporter, throwing his weight behind Richard Nixon during the 1960 presidential election, and eventually emerging as a strong ally of moderate New York Republican Nelson Rockefeller. He also backed his talk for economic independence by helping to found the black-owned Freedom National Bank, which provided loans and services for the minority community. 

 

However, by the mid-1960s Robinson was becoming an outdated figure in the Civil Rights movement. An advocate of the non-violent approach of Dr. King and the NAACP, he rejected the more extreme measures proposed by charismatic young leaders like H. Rap Brown and Huey Newton, and engaged in a nasty back-and-forth with Malcolm X through his column. Even his shine as a black sports icon was somewhat diminished, with contemporary athletes like Muhammad Ali and Jim Brown dominating their fields and speaking out in ways that had seemed unthinkable 20 years earlier.

Robinson had his own share of issues with the NAACP, and in 1967 he publicly split with the organization over its "unresponsive" leadership. Furthermore, his political views left him increasingly isolated as an activist; he clashed with Dr. King over support of the Vietnam War, and he returned to Richard Nixon in 1968 and 1972, even as many of his fellow African Americans were abandoning the Republican Party.

Still, Robinson continued fighting for larger causes even as his own health deteriorated. In 1970 he launched the Jackie Robinson Construction Company to build low and moderate income housing for minorities. In October 1972, during a ceremony to throw out the first pitch before a World Series game, he made a point to remind everyone that baseball had yet to appoint its first black manager. Nine days later, he was dead from a heart attack.

Jackie Robinson is justly remembered for breaking down racial barriers and opening the doors of opportunity for blacks across professional sports. But long after he was done with baseball, he continued to fight for equal footing as a writer, organizer, speaker, businessman and political supporter, facing a far more expansive playing field without many of the natural advantages he enjoyed as a gifted athlete. For that, he deserves just as much credit when we remember him as an American hero.

 
 
 
 
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Whether it be in politics, science, medicine or the arts, Latinas have defied social, cultural, and gender stereotypes throughout many generations and have become pioneers in their respective fields and native countries.

In honor of these brave, daring, and at times controversial women, here are 10 Latinas who fought against the odds and became the first in their class:

Sonia Sotomayor - First Latina U.S. Supreme Court Justice

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Sonia Sotomayor

Photo: Allison Shelley/Getty Images

Born in the Bronx, New York in 1954, Sonia Sotomayor grew up in challenging circumstances. Although she recalled regular summertime visits to Puerto Rico to see friends and family, her home life in New York was not a happy one. Her father was an alcoholic who died in his early 40s and her mother kept her emotional distance from her daughter. The family lived in the housing projects, which would later be overrun by gang violence.

 

Still, Sotomayor's mother pushed her children to take their education seriously, which left a deep imprint on Sotomayor, who knew by age 10 that she wanted to be a lawyer. Sotomayor won a scholarship to Princeton University and graduated summa cum laude in 1976 and went on to receive her law degree from Yale.

In 1979 Sotomayor served as an assistant district attorney, which eventually paved her way to becoming a U.S. District Court judge, appointed by George H.W. Bush. Under Bill Clinton's administration, Sotomayor would make her way to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in 1997, and a little over a decade later, Barack Obama nominated her to the highest court in the land. In 2009 Sotomayor would make history as the first Latina to become a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Since then, she has built her reputation on being an advocate for criminal justice reform and women's rights.

Rita Moreno - First Latina PEGOT Recipient

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Rita Moreno

Photo: © John Springer Collection/CORBIS/Corbis via Getty Images

 

Born in 1931, Puerto Rican actress Rita Moreno has built an award-winning career in film, television and theater that has spanned over seven decades. Famous for her supporting roles in the film adaptations of the King and I (1956) and West Side Story (1961), Moreno would earn herself an Oscar for the latter, making her the first Latina to achieve such a feat.

In the 1970s, Moreno became a regular cast member of the beloved PBS children's show The Electric Company and would later be cast in a supporting role on the HBO hit drama Oz (1997-2003).

Her multitude of credits as an actress, singer and dancer would later result to one of her biggest crowning achievements in 2019: She is the first Latina to be elevated to PEGOT status, a small group of entertainers who have won a Peabody, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award.

Isabel Perón - First Latina Female President

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Isabel Perón making a speech from the balcony of Government House in Buenos Aires on October 21, 1975.

Photo: Keystone/Getty Images

Despite her lower-middle-class background and her fifth-grade education, former nightclub dancer Isabel Perón would become Latin America's first female president.

Born in Argentina in 1931, Isabel Perón's rise to power would be through her husband, Argentinian president Juan Perón, who was previously married to the late and beloved Eva Perón (aka Evita). As the third wife, Isabel, known to her countrymen as "Isabelita," would serve as her husband's vice president and First Lady during his third presidential term, starting in 1973.

However, just a year in office, Juan suffered from a series of heart attacks and died on July 1, 1974. Isabel took over as president, and while her nation and political allies and even some of her husband's enemies initially showed support for her, she quickly fell out of favor after she issued a government-run suppression campaign against her adversaries, including a string of political murders and anti-left-wing policy measures and purges.

In 1976 Isabel was forced out by a military coup and remained under house arrest before being allowed to move to Spain. In 2007 an Argentinian judge issued an order for her arrest for the disappearance of an activist in 1976, but Spanish courts refused to extradite her, citing the charges didn't fall under the category of crimes against humanity.

Ellen Ochoa - First Latina Astronaut in Space

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Ellen Ochoa training at Vance Air Force base in Houston, Texas in 1993.

Photo: NASA/Liaison

Born in Los Angeles in 1958, Ellen Ochoa immersed herself in the sciences, graduating from San Diego State University with a bachelor's in physics (1980) and later from Stanford University with a master's in science (1981) and a doctorate in electrical engineering (1985).

 

As a doctorate student, she focused her studies primarily on optical systems involving high tech space exploration, which eventually led her into the NASA space program in 1991. Two years later, Ochoa became the first Latina woman to fly into space, which occurred aboard the shuttle Discovery.

Ochoa would complete a total of four space missions during her career at NASA and would make history once again when she became the first Latina director of the agency's Johnson Space Center in 2013. 

Evangelina Rodriguez - First Dominican Female Doctor

Despite being born into poverty and discriminated against for being born of partial African descent, Afro-Dominican Evangelina Rodriguez became the first woman from the Dominican Republic to earn her medical degree.

Born in 1879, Rodriguez was raised by her grandmother and diligently worked her way through school and earned her education, despite the social and cultural challenges of being a poor half-black female who was a product of wedlock. She received her medical degree from the University of the Dominican Republic in 1909 and began building her career in small towns and giving medical care to the poorest citizens.

After scrounging her earnings for many years, Rodriguez furthered her expertise by studying gynecology and pediatrics in France in 1921 and graduated four years later. She returned to her country and cared for her patients, while also becoming a political firebrand, advocating for women's rights and issues, such as birth control, and speaking out against dictator Rafael Trujillo.

Gabriela Mistral - First Latina Author to Win the Nobel Prize in Literature

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Gabriela Mistral

Photo: Leo Rosenthal/Pix Inc./The LIFE Images Collection via Getty Images/Getty Images

Tragic love, childhood, piety, sadness, bitterness and the politics of the times brought forth the lyrical poetry that defined Chilean poet, diplomat and educator Gabriela Mistral. Born in 1889 as Lucila Godoy Alcayaga, the poet would later go by her pseudonym Gabriela Mistral, which she created by fusing the names of her favorite poets Gabriele D'Annunzio and Frédéric Mistral.

While working on her poetry as a young woman, Mistral also served as a village school teacher. An intense romance with a railway worker who would end up killing himself, was one of several tragedies throughout her life that would inspire her poetry, and it was her sonnets memorializing the dead, Sonetos de la muerte, in 1914 that would make her famous throughout Latin America.

As an artist and intellectual who gained international fame for her poetry, Mistral was invited to travel the world as a cultural ambassador for the League of Nations and lived in France and Italy in the mid-1920s to early 1930s. She lectured and served as an educator throughout the United States, Europe and Cuba and received honorary degrees at renowned universities. In 1945 she was the first Latin American female poet to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature.

 

Isabel Allende - First Latina Author Dubbed as Most Widely Read in the World

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Isabel Allende in October 2015

Photo: Leonardo Cendamo/Getty Images

Another Chilean artist, Isabel Allende, would follow in Mistral's footsteps to become "the world's most widely read Spanish-language author." In fact, Allende would become the first woman to be awarded the Gabriela Mistral Order of Merit.

Born in Peru in 1942, Allende would gain international recognition for her magical realism in novels such as The House of Spirits and City of Beasts. Drawing from historical events (her father's first cousin was Chilean president Salvador Allende, who was overthrown in a military coup in 1973) and her own experience, Allende honors the stories of women in mythical fashion and is credited to have transformed non-fiction literature.

Among her many awards, Allende received Chile's National Literature Prize in 2010 and was honored by President Barack Obama with a Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2014 as well as an honorary degree from Harvard that same year.

Ileana Ros-Lehtinen - First Latina & Cuban-American to Serve in Congress

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Ileana Ros-Lehtinen in her office in Washington, D.C. in March 2017.

Photo:  Matt McClain/The Washington Post via Getty Images

Political activism ran in Ilena Ros-Lehtinen's family. Born in Cuba in 1952 and later immigrating to the United States at age eight, Ros-Lehtinen grew up with an anti-Castro activist father and memories of escaping Fidel Castro's regime. Focusing her career in education, Ros-Lehtinen earned both her a bachelor's degree in 1975 and a master's degree in 1985 at Florida International University. In 2004 she received her doctorate in education from the University of Miami.

While operating a private school in Miami in the early 80s, Ros-Lehtinen was elected to the Florida House of Representatives, becoming the first Latina to accomplish this. She continued her groundbreaking streak by becoming the first Latina to serve in the state senate and in 1989, the first Latina and first Cuban-American to serve in the United States Congress as a member of the House of Representatives. Starting in 2011, she also became the first female to ever manage a regular standing committee, the Committee on Foreign Affairs.

As a moderate Republican, Ros-Lehtinen was considered one of the most popular bipartisan politicians before retiring her House seat in 2017. She was the first House Republican to come out in support of gay marriage and served as a member of numerous caucuses in her 30-year political career, including the LGBT Equality Caucus, the Climate Solutions Caucus and the Congressional Pro-Life Women's Caucus.

 

Maria Elena Salinas - First Latina Journalist to Win a Lifetime Achievement Emmy Award


 

Maria Elena Salinas speaking at the International Women's Media Foundation Awards Luncheon at on October 22, 2014, in New York City.

Photo: Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for IWMF

Born in 1954, Los Angeles native Maria Elena Salinas is distinguished for being the longest-running female TV news anchor in the U.S. and the first Latina to earn a Lifetime Achievement Emmy. With a journalism career spanning over three decades, Salinas has interviewed world leaders — from presidents to heads of state to dictators — and served as the co-anchor for Univision's nightly news broadcast as well as its news magazine program, Aquí y Ahora (Here and Now).

Known as the "Voice of Hispanic America," Salinas recently retired from her role at Univision but continues to focus on her philanthropy, which includes education, promoting women's media, and increasing voter registration within her community. “I am grateful for having had the privilege to inform and empower the Latino community through the work my colleagues and I do with such passion," she stated while stepping down from Univision, adding, "As long as I have a voice, I will always use it to speak on their behalf.”

Eulalia Guzmán - First Mexican Female Archaeologist

Born in 1890 in San Pedro Piedra Gorda, Eulalia Guzmán was an educator, feminist and philosopher best known as Mexico's first female archaeologist. She helped develop the Ixcateopan, Guerrero archaeological project, an archive of her country's history, and the National Library of Anthropology and History.

Although some of Guzmán's archaeological work became controversial among Mexican scholars for their lack of authentication — namely her claim that she discovered the remains of the Aztec Emperor, Cuauhtémoc — she was popular among indigenous populations who celebrated her accomplishments.

 

 
 
 
 
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As the first black president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela fought for justice. Serving from 1994-1999, he led the anti-apartheid movement and fought against institutional racism, which eventually led to him serving 27 years in prison.

Although he was a controversial figure in some circles, Mandela received several awards throughout his life including the Nobel Peace Prize, the U.S. Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Soviet Union’s Lenin peace prize. Sharing his fight with leaders from all over the world, Mandela also mingled with prominent leaders such as Fidel Castro and Bill Clinton.

 

Source: https://www.biography.com/

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The stories of heroism, tenacity, and courage of the American West weren’t just reserved for the cowboy: long before him was the Native American, whose cultural and spiritual diversity, as well as deep-rooted connection to the land, made for a rich...

The stories of heroism, tenacity, and courage of the American West weren’t just reserved for the cowboy: long before him was the Native American, whose cultural and spiritual diversity, as well as deep-rooted connection to the land, revealed an entirely different way of living that Americans are able to admire today. But during the 19th and 20th centuries, the U.S.—motivated by its political and economic agendas—had a hostile perspective on its older neighbors, believing them to be inferior and even more, a threat to its plans of westward expansion. Notably during the Gold Rush of the 1800s, these two opposing world views clashed into violence, but in turn, gave birth to legendary Native American war leaders. Biography.com takes a look at five notable Native Americans who admirably fought for the survival of their culture and land and left a lasting legacy for generations to come.

Geronimo (Department of Defense. (File:Geronimo.jpg) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)
 

Geronimo (Department of Defense. (File:Geronimo.jpg) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

 

 

Geronimo (1829-1909) An Apache leader who fought fiercely against Mexico and the U.S. for expanding into his tribe’s lands (now present-day Arizona), Geronimo began inciting countless raids against the two parties, after his wife and three children were slaughtered by Mexican troops in the mid-1850s. Born as Goyahkla, Geronimo was given his now famous name when he charged into battle amid a flurry of bullets, killing numerous Mexicans with merely a knife to avenge the death of his family. Although how he got the name "Geronimo" is up for debate, white settlers at the time were convinced he was the "worst Indian who ever lived." On September 4, 1886, Geronimo surrendered to U.S. troops, along with his small band of followers. During the remaining years of his life, he converted to Christianity (but was kicked out of his church due to incessant gambling), appeared at fairs, and rode in President Theodore Roosevelt’s inaugural parade in 1905. He also dictated his own memoir, Geronimo’s Story of His Life, in 1906. On his deathbed three years later, Geronimo reportedly told his nephew he regretted surrendering to the U.S. “I should have fought until I was the last man alive," he told him. Geronimo was buried at the Apache Indian Prisoner of War Cemetery in Fort Still, Oklahoma.

 
Sitting Bull (Photo: O.S. Goff/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)
 

Sitting Bull (Photo: O.S. Goff/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Sitting Bull (1831-1890) As a holy man and tribal chief of the Hunkpapa Lakota Sioux tribe, Sitting Bull was a symbol of Native American resistance against U.S. government policies. In 1875, after an alliance with various tribes, Sitting Bull had a triumphant vision of defeating U.S. soldiers, and in 1876, his premonition came true: He and his people defeated General Custer’s army in a skirmish, now known as the Battle of the Little Bighorn, in eastern Montana territory. After leading countless war parties, Sitting Bull and his remaining tribe briefly escaped to Canada but eventually returned to the U.S. and surrendered in 1881 due to lack of resources. He later joined Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show, earning $50 a week, and converted to Catholicism. On December 15, 1890, prodded by Indian agents who feared Sitting Bull was planning an escape with the Ghost Dancers, an emerging Native American religious movement that predicted a quiet end to white expansion, police officers attempted to arrest him. Amid the commotion, the officers ended up fatally shooting Sitting Bull, along with seven of his followers. Although he was originally buried at Fort Yates—the North Dakota reservation where he was killed—in 1953, his family moved his remains near Mobridge, South Dakota, the place of his birth.

The Crazy Horse Monument in South Dakota.
 

The Crazy Horse Monument in South Dakota.

Crazy Horse (1840-1877) Leader of the Oglala Lakota peoples, Crazy Horse was a courageous fighter and protector of his tribe’s cultural traditions—so much so, that he refused to let anyone take his photograph. He is known to have played key roles in various battles, chief among them, the Battle of the Little Bighorn in 1876, where he helped Sitting Bull defeat General Custer. Unlike his fellow Lakota leaders, Sitting Bull and Gall, who ended up fleeing to Canada, Crazy Horse remained in the U.S. to fight the American troops, but he eventually surrendered in May of 1877. In September of the same year, Crazy Horse met his end when he left his reservation without permission to take his sick wife back to her parents. Knowing he would be arrested, he initially didn’t resist the officers, but when he discovered they were taking him to a guardhouse (due to rumors he was planning on hatching a rebellion), he fought them and tried to escape. With his arms detained by one soldier, another stabbed his bayonet into the war chief, eventually killing him. Although his parents buried his remains in South Dakota, the exact location of his remains is not known.

Chief Joseph (Photo: MPI/Getty Images)
 

Chief Joseph (Photo: MPI/Getty Images)

 

Chief Joseph (1840-1904) While many Native American war leaders and chiefs were known for their combative resistance towards the U.S.'s westward expansion, Chief Joseph, Wallowa leader of the Nez Perce, was known for his concerted efforts to negotiate and live peacefully with his new neighbors. Although his father, Joseph the Elder, had brokered a peaceful land treaty with the U.S. government that extended from Oregon to Idaho, the latter reneged on its agreement. To honor the memory of his father, who died in 1871, Chief Joseph resisted staying within the confines of the Idaho reservation that the government had mandated. In 1877, the threat of a U.S. cavalry attack made him relent, and he began leading his people to the reservation. However, the Nez Perce leader found himself in a difficult situation when some of his young warriors—angry that their homeland had been stolen from them—raided and killed neighboring white settlers; the U.S. cavalry began chasing the group down, and reluctantly, Chief Joseph decided to join the warring band. His tribe’s 1,400 mile march and defense tactics impressed General William Tecumseh Sherman, and from then on, he was known as the “Red Napoleon.” Tired of the bloodshed, Chief Joseph surrendered on October 5, 1877. His emotional surrender speech was etched into the annals of American history, and up until his death, he spoke against the U.S.’s injustice and discrimination against Native Americans. In 1904, he died, according to his doctor, of a “broken heart.”

Red Cloud (Photo by Transcendental Graphics/Getty Images)
 

Red Cloud (Photo by Transcendental Graphics/Getty Images)

Red Cloud (1822-1909) Born in what is now North Platte, Nebraska, Red Cloud spent most of his young life at war. The Oglala Lakota Sioux leader’s fighting skills made him one of the most formidable opponents of the U.S. Army, and in 1866-1868, he led a victorious campaign, known as Red Cloud’s War, which resulted in his taking control over Wyoming and southern Montana territory. In fact, fellow Lakota leader, Crazy Horse, played an important role in that battle that led to many U.S. casualties. Red Cloud’s win led to the Treaty of Fort Laramie in 1868, which gave his tribe ownership of the Black Hills, but these protected expanses of land in South Dakota and Wyoming quickly became encroached upon by white settlers looking for gold. Red Cloud, along with other Native American leaders, traveled to Washington D.C. to persuade President Grant to honor the treaties that were originally agreed upon. Although he didn’t find a peaceful solution, he did not participate in the Great Sioux War of 1876-1877, which was led by his fellow tribesmen, Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull. Regardless, Red Cloud continued to travel to Washington D.C. to fight for his people and ended up outliving all the major Sioux leaders. In 1909 he died at the age of 87 and was buried at Pine Ridge Reservation.

 

Source: https://www.biography.com/

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African-American Inventors

African-Americans have faced many obstacles over the course of history, but this hasn't stopped bright, innovative individuals from developing inventions that have changed the world. From the traffic light to the blood bank, here are some famous African-American...

African-Americans have faced many obstacles over the course of history, but this hasn't stopped bright, innovative individuals from developing inventions that have changed the world. From the traffic light to the blood bank, here are some famous African-American inventors.

 

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Garret Augustus Morgan Garrett Morgan opened up a sewing machine and shoe repair shop in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1907. An innovative mind, he kept busy creating prototypes to solve many everyday problems. One of his first creations was a liquid that straightened fabric—which he later sold as a product for hair straightening.

In 1911, after hearing about the tragic deaths in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, Morgan invented a safety hood and smoke protector for firefighters. The hood, which contained a wet sponge to filter out smoke and cool the air, became the precursor to the gas mask. To sell his safety hood, Morgan had to hire a white actor to pretend to be the inventor.

 

In 1923, Morgan patented another useful invention: A hand-cranked mechanical signal machine for traffic crossing. It would eventually lead to the creation of the traffic light.

 

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Charles Drew African-American surgeon Charles Drew felt called to the study of medicine after his sister, Elsie, died of Influenza. He excelled in medical school, and became a doctor around the beginning of World War II. Drew was recruited to set up a program for blood storage in Britain, which laid the foundation for the American Red Cross Blood Bank. In 1943, Drew was chosen as the first African-American surgeon to serve as examiner on the American Board of Surgery.

 

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Lewis Howard Latimer Though Thomas Edison is recognized as the inventor of the light bulb, African-American inventor Lewis Latimer played an important role in its development. In 1881, Latimer patented a method for making carbon filaments, allowing light bulbs to burn for hours instead of minutes. Latimer also drafted the drawings that helped Alexander Graham Bell receive a patent for the telephone.

 

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George Carruthers Physicist and inventor George Carruthers built his first telescope at age 10, and has spent the rest of his life making important contributions to the study of outer space. Carruthers has developed ways to use ultraviolet imaging in order to view images in deep space that were previously impossible to see. In 1972, Carruthers invented the "Far Ultraviolet Camera/Spectograph," the first moon-based observatory. It was used in the Apollo 16 mission. Then, in 1986, one of his inventions captured an image of Hailey's Comet—the first time a comet had ever been pictured from space.

 

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Elijah McCoy This list wouldn't be complete without The Real McCoy. Elijah McCoy was born in 1844 to parents who fled from slavery in Kentucky, via the Underground Railroad. McCoy was born free in Canada, and moved back to the United States when he was 5. At age 15, he traveled to Edinburgh in Scotland for an apprenticeship, and returned as a mechanical engineer. In Detroit, he took a job as a fireman and oiler for the Michigan Central Railroad, unable to find any other work. At his home workshop, McCoy developed an automatic lubricator for oiling steam engines on trains and ships. McCoy's invention allowed trains to run faster and longer without stopping for maintenance. The invention was so good, it was referred to as "the real McCoy," in order to differentiate it from other pale imitations that popped up on the market.

 

Source: https://www.biography.com/

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42: The Jackie Robinson Story

Just a head’s up that on Friday, the movie 42 comes out. It’s a biography of Jackie Robinson’s life and his utterly game-changing role in integrating baseball in America. If you know anything about this man, you’ll know that Jackie Robinson was arguably the most groundbreaking black athlete in history, and his role both on the field and off changed race relations in sports and society His legend continues today, and I’m so happy to see that his incredible story is being brought to the big screen. I know what I’ll be doing this weekend!

 

Source: http://www.sportsinblackandwhite.com/

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When examining the advancement of the civil rights movement through sports, one must first begin with the people who made change happen. Whether it was a conscious stand or unintentional advocacy, athletes and coaches throughout the past century used their participation in sports to change the racial atmosphere in our country. They moved our nation forward into a new way of thinking, and without them we may not enjoy the relative equality we experience today. Such work was not easy, however; these figures overcame countless obstacles and underwent much suffering to emerge as the heroes they are today. Here’s a look at how they were able to accomplish this, what impact athletes had upon societal views, and why they took these stands in the first place.

Sports are a unique environment because they capture the attention of nearly the entire country. Not to mention, in the first half of the 20th century, sports provided the primary form of national entertainment because television had yet to become a fixture in the American household. Furthermore, unlike television and movies, the men and women that participate in sports are not characters or personalities; the person seen on the court or the field is the same person off of it as well. Add to this the dedicated allegiance a fan feels for their team (a sentiment amplified to a national scale in the case of a citizen cheering on their country in the Olympics), and all of a sudden the sports world becomes a dynamic atmosphere in which citizens are able to invest their time, thoughts, and emotions. This was fine as long as it resembled society- segregated and based upon the ideas of white supremacy. Indeed, sports serves as a microcosm for society, and once civil rights activists recognized this, they were able to use sports as a platform to advocate social change and equality in the entire country.

The best example of tactic is also the most well known: Branch Rickey’s “noble experiment” and the integration of the MLB by Jackie Robinson in 1947. Prior to Robinson’s MLB debut, baseball, which was America’s pastime, was divided between the dominant all-white major leagues and the lesser negro leagues. In other words, it literally resembled American society at the time. Rickey recognized the power of sports and understood that integration in baseball could be the first step toward integration in society. It was extremely difficult to accomplish, and Robinson underwent tremendous suffering and discrimination because of his ground breaking role. But, once Jackie began playing, the stadiums were packed. Whites cheered for him. The same whites who wouldn’t let a negro drink from the same water fountain were now paying money to see a black man perform on the field and represent their team.

This was an absolutely monumental breakthrough, one that could never be underestimated. Almost twenty years before the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson were sowing the seeds of equality in the hearts of Americans, all under the guise of a hot bat and a few stolen bases. Without Jackie Robinson, nationwide integration doesn’t happen for at least another decade, and white’s attitudes toward blacks remains ignorant and prejudiced. But because of him, America takes one more step toward racial equality, even if it’s only on the baseball field.

Jackie Robinson Shaking Branch Rickey's Hand

Because of his role on a team in America’s most popular sport, Jackie was able to capture the hearts of Americans as a breakout athlete and racial symbol. Meanwhile, other athletes had a tremendous impact on the international stage, whether it was the Olympics or boxing championships. Take, for instance, Jesse Owens. While in Berlin, he served as a representation of American ideals of freedom, democracy, and equality competing against the Nazi ideals of racial supremacy. Because of this stand, American citizens rallied behind him, supporting their athlete from across the ocean. He wasn’t a black man; he was an American. In the end, American patriotism triumphed over discrimination, if only for a short while. Yet upon returning to the United States, Owens was once again treated in a discriminatory manner and bound by the constraints of societal segregation, thus exemplifying the hypocrisy of American attitudes and ideals at the time.

Similarly, Joe Louis was able to become an American hero on the international boxing stage, perhaps never more so than when he defeated Germany’s Max Schmeling in 1938. This boxing matchup captured the same ideals that had been present two years earlier- that of American freedom rising above the beliefs of the Nazi regime. In both cases, American citizens were able to overcome their discriminatory ideologies and view these athletes as men who represented them and their country, as  opposed to black men who should be placed below members of white society. But although they were each responsible for seismic, if fleeting, changes in American racial perceptions, I don’t believe either Owens or Louis sought to advocate racial equality through their participation in sports; rather, they each had a passion and a talent, as well as a desire to serve their country, and what emerged were two acts of American heroism that allowed citizens to step outside of their narrow mindsets of racist beliefs and look upon these two African Americans in a whole new light.

Meanwhile fellow athletes such as Althea Gibson and Fritz Pollard also had tremendous impacts in their respective sports through integration and their individual accomplishments. The more they accomplished, the more mainstream and famous an African American face became in the media, and slowly the public began to warm to these black athletes. It was a step in the right direction, although progress was slow. And as more and more African American athletes began to play professional sports, they were able to not only assimilate racial equality into the mindsets of citizens, but also challenge the fundamental ideas upon which racism was based, which is perhaps the most important influence these notable athletes had upon the civil rights movement. This is because their exceptional performance on the field and the court (examples include Jackie Robinson’s Rookie of the Year Award, Althea Gibson’s Wimbledon Championship, Jack Johnson’s heavyweight title, Wilma Rudolph’s gold medals, and more) proved that blacks were equal to whites, thus challenging the ideals of racial supremacy upon which discrimination was based. This idea- that if blacks were equal on the field, they were equal off it as well- began to infiltrate its way into society, thus beginning the subtle yet definitive shift in the American conscious and allowing civil rights activists and athletes to promote social justice in our country.

Not only did these figures begin to affect the white mindset in our country, but they also had an impact upon their fellow African Americans. Because they were willing to expose themselves to the harsh criticism and segregation of the sports world, many of these athletes became heroic figures that served as role models for blacks across the United States. In a country where few African Americans were able to achieve high profile public positions, sports provided a chance for blacks to emerge as public figures, thus inspiring the rest of the African American community to take a stand for their beliefs as well.

arthur-ashe

Later in the century, after sports had been integrated and become relatively equal, African American athletes were able to use their place in sports as a platform to speak out on racial and social inequality. This is perhaps best characterized by Muhammad Ali’s outspoken and often controversial public role, as he consistently made brash statements about social justice that gave black athletes, as well as the black community, more of a public voice. This was also exemplified by Arthur Ashe, who said, “I don’t want to be remembered for my tennis accomplishments.” Despite a stellar tennis career that earned him a place in the Tennis Hall of Fame, Ashe’s most lasting impact has been the tireless fight he waged against discrimination and inequality throughout his life. More than any other athlete, Arthur Ashe understood the power his status as a high profile athlete gave him, and as a result, he was able to advocate the social change he believed in. In the end, Arthur Ashe was able to not only revolutionize the game of tennis, which up to that point had never seen an African American male star, but the world as well.

Ultimately, black athletes were able to serve as symbols for their fellow African Americans by representing racial equality and changing the role of the African American community in the United States. It began with initial integration, particularly in professional sports, as the greatest barriers to equality fell with the trail blazing efforts of athletes such as Jackie Robinson and Althea Gibson. These athletes’ athletic performances then went on to prove to society that blacks were equal to their white counterparts, thus challenging and eventually overthrowing ideas of racial supremacy. They also familiarized the white public with the concept of aligning themselves alongside other African Americans as white fans began to unite behind the black stars of their favorite teams. Finally, athletes began to challenge societal inequalities by speaking out against discrimination and making public calls for social justice, thus changing the way African Americans were viewed both in sports and in society. Ultimately, these individual athletic figures were able to unite across decades to change the face of race relations in the United States and bring about a new atmosphere of innovation and racial equality.

 

Source: http://www.sportsinblackandwhite.com/

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3600611183?profile=RESIZE_710x Watch the official music video of Shorty Roc's hit song "Stay Young" Special Shout out to The #PrettyGoons Modeling Team Available soon on all streaming Platforms... Please visit www.TheKhaliseum.com for more info Follow Shorty Roc via instagram @ShortyRocNYC Follow Shorty Roc via Facebook.com/ShortyRocNYC This music video was Shot & Edited by GDE Films & Photography Download The Khaliseum Mobile App at www.Khaliseum.com
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When it comes to dealing with conflict in marriage, the question is not if you will have conflict but when you will have conflict. After the “I do,” conflict is a necessary part of even healthy marriages because no two people will ever agree on everything. However, many couples begin to “undo” the “I do” because they misinterpret Proverbs 20:3 and make the colossal mistake of avoiding conflict at all cost. For many, it ends up costing them their marriage because they lack conflict resolution skills that won’t undo the “I do.”

Proverbs 20:3 “Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.”

This scripture does not mean that you should avoid conflict in your marriage. In fact, conflict is necessary for both partners to have balance and each gets their needs met. What it does warn against is fighting, quarreling and destroying one another with strife.

So, let’s talk about avoiding conflict with an example. I want your input on this far too common marital scenario:

A couple has been married for seven years with two children (ages 2 and 5). The first three years of their marriage were the best. They were able to purchase a new home, secure or maintain employment, go on frequent dates, have fun, and keep things spicy and sexy at home.

However, year three presented some problems after their first child was born because the wife’s role in the marriage changed dramatically. Before kids, she would cook 4 nights a week. She would clean, work a full-time job and pursue her hobbies in her free time.

After having kids, however, she found herself having little to no time to pursue her hobbies. Meanwhile, her husband somehow managed to keep his. He would occasionally “help” with the children but most of the responsibility somehow fell on her. Now, she cooks, cleans, parents, works full-time and maintains her side hustle, gives the kids their baths, helps with homework, prepares their lunch, drops kids off at school/daycare, takes them to the doctor, and the list goes on and on.

It’s year 7 now, and the wife feels as if she has completely lost herself. She loves her children dearly but misses her “me time,” fun times with her friends, and feeling sexy again as a wife. They have not taken a couples only vacation since the kids were born, infrequently date, and center too much of their conversation around household business. She is extremely unhappy, bored, and overwhelmed with her day-to-day life but loves being a wife and mother.

 

However, she is conflicted about what to do.

Option A: Should she bring up her unhappiness to her husband so that she can get a break? If she does, it may work! Can you imagine going shopping without kids? However, what if her husband resists and it leads to a conflict? She tried saying something earlier and her husband shut her down quickly because his mother raised four kids alone after his father left and “never complained.”

Or

Option B: Should she suck it up, embrace giving up personal needs as a necessary evil of marriage and motherhood, and avoid conflict with her husband?

What would you do?

I am sure this will create spirited debate but if you are asking a professional psychologist for twenty years, I would advise the wife to pick Option A…even though it will lead to conflict. Why?

Quite simply, “Option B” is unsustainable. Both parties in a marriage need “me time” or oxygen to survive. Psalm 25:5 refers to “my cup runneth over” which can be applied to marriage. If the mom is the cup, and her cup is empty, how can she realistically be expected to pour into her husband, children, and work without neglecting herself?

Right. She can’t.

She will eventually become overwhelmed, irritable, depressed and unhappy in the marriage. She has neglected her needs for so long that it has become a way of life; one that robs her of joy and makes her long for the good times when she used to be able to have fun.

The wives who wait to speak up tend to have a high divorce rate once the kids leave for college. Other wives lose their health, put on weight (or lose too much), and let themselves go. This is a problem because the husband often complains about her appearance or even pursues outside attention because his wife is “too busy” for him. Another set of women, eventually snap and blindside their husbands with “the talk” where they reveal how unhappy they have been for years and want separation or divorce.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018: Fix Your Marriage in 2018 with this FREE ONLINE TRAINING

What should she have done? I’m glad you asked. My twenty years experience counseling couples through conflict resolution has taught me she should:

  1. Talk about marital and parenting expectations up front.
  2. Engage in weekly to monthly meetings to assess the “State of the Marriage” so that a bad pattern of marriage does not become a lifestyle.
  3. Initiate conflict in a loving way to discuss necessary changes that will allow both husband and wife to have a fulfilling life.

Sounds good right? The thing is that a lot of professionals will often tell you what to do but neglect training you HOW to do it.

  • What exactly do you say?
  • What if he won’t listen?
  • What if you have mom guilt about having fun away from the kids?

I get it! That’s why I want to show you HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE. You see, on the flip side, arguing too much can literally kill your marriage too. I want to help prevent that from happening for you.

There are many solutions for successfully resolving marital conflict. I cover this in a FREE online training I am doing April 3rd at 9 pm on resolving conflict, specifically geared towards Christian marriages. I can record it for you too if you absolutely cannot make this date.

Here’s what happens next…check out this page to register and reserve your seat right now. We did this workshop a few months ago and the training was filled to capacity. So, register now.  You don’t have to spend another night going to bed angry.

Register here.

Here are two scriptures to prepare your mindset that deal with discussing faults, making adjustments, and setting conflict in marriage.

Ephesians 4:2 – Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

Isaiah 1:18 – “Come now, let’s settle this,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.

BMWK, What do you think? Agree with the Doc or disagree? What would you do? Go ahead, you be the marriage expert and chime in.

By Dr. Alduan Tarrt: Dr. Alduan Tartt is a clinical psychologist with a focus on faith, mental health and relationships of all sorts (single, dating, marriage, family, sports, etc.). Dr. Tartt has a private practice and also speaks frequently at conferences, churches, organizations on improving relationships, families and mental health. Dr. Tartt also hosts radio and television shows and is a frequent guest on major media outlets. Dr. Tartt also counsels other healers and helpers (pastors, ministers, doctors, entertainers) who need to be encouraged, supported and filled up.

 

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

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Healthy actions during an argument help married couples during serious disagreements. If we are honest, those of us in one recognized marriage can be difficult. A couple should never lead others to believe that disagreements, inequalities, arguments, and frustration don’t exist in a lifetime commitment. Honestly speaking, sometimes, married people just don’t get along, and there’s evidence to that. There’s no need to put marriage on this pedestal where it’s a bed of roses the moment we say “I do.”

Healthy Actions During An Argument | Having A Good Talk

An Introduction To A Healthy Actions During An Argument

For some, when we disagree, there is snapping, pouting, and even screaming. With the goal being to get a point across, be understood, and occasionally be victorious, some will do whatever is necessary. However, those reactions never benefit our relationship. So, let’s discuss the healthy actions you can take to minimize the drama. The next time you quarrel with your spouse, you must stop, look, listen, and try some healthy actions instead.

Listicle-Title-9-Healthy-Actions-1-healthy-actions-during-an-argument.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Listicle-Title-9-Healthy-Actions-1-healthy-actions-during-an-argument-131x196.jpg 131w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Listicle-Title-9-Healthy-Actions-1-healthy-actions-during-an-argument-174x260.jpg 174w" alt="Healthy Actions During an Argument That Help You Keep the Peace | evidence" width="735" height="1100" />

1. Make Sure It Is What You Think It Is

Get a clear understanding of the situation, and examine all of the facts prior to reacting negatively. This can happen as a result of asking clarifying questions.

2. Discuss The Situation With Your Spouse

Don’t pretend whatever it is didn’t happen. The only way to deal with an issue is to acknowledge it exists. If it hurts you, tell your spouse because, more than likely, that wasn’t the intent.

3. Question Your Initial Response First

Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say or do reasonable, and am I possibly overreacting to the situation?”

4. Before You Respond, Start Off By Telling Your Spouse How Much You Love Him Or Her

Doing this sets the tone of the conversation and opens up both partners to have a healthy discussion.

5. If You Are Still Able To Civilly Communicate And Can Control Your Voice Levels, Take The Conversation To A New Location

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Taking a walk to the backyard, a nearby park, or a restaurant may be helpful. A change of scenery
could positively affect the mood of the situation.

6. Get Over It

Once you have decided this dispute isn’t that big of a deal, move on.

7. Be Honest About Your Contributions

Ask yourself what role you play in the problem as well as the solution.

8. Initiate The Peace By Being The Bigger Person And Apologizing First

My husband taught me this one. He would often take the lead in apologizing and making sure we got back to a happy place. Once I got over myself, I was able to do that too.

9. Look For The Lesson And Apply It

Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. Many of us miss this chance, and the cycle of confusion and conflict repeats.

Here are two scenarios of the same situation, tell me which you think would generate the best response.

“How many times have I told you to pick your socks up off the floor? Plenty! The house looks a mess, you never want to help me, and it just pisses me off! You have to clean up after yourself!”

or

“Babe, I picked your socks up off the floor in the bathroom. We have to remember our goal of keeping our home tidy, warm, and inviting. It feels good when it’s clean, don’t you think?”

20180629-Black-and-Married-With-Kids-8-Healthy-Actions-During-An-Argument-That-Help-You-Keep-The-Peace.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/20180629-Black-and-Married-With-Kids-8-Healthy-Actions-During-An-Argument-That-Help-You-Keep-The-Peace-114x196.jpg 114w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/20180629-Black-and-Married-With-Kids-8-Healthy-Actions-During-An-Argument-That-Help-You-Keep-The-Peace-768x1316.jpg 768w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/20180629-Black-and-Married-With-Kids-8-Healthy-Actions-During-An-Argument-That-Help-You-Keep-The-Peace-152x260.jpg 152w" alt="infographic | 9 Healthy Actions During an Argument That Help You Keep the Peace | good argument" width="1080" height="1850" />

One of the conversations above will lead to a peaceful discussion or argument of the situation, while the other will immediately put your partner on the defensive. One of these is solution-focused instead of placing blame and belittling, which is the cause of a negative argument. Remember, you get more bees with honey. You must be gentle with your words, even when you’re upset or frustrated.

What other tips can you add to the list of healthy actions during an argument with your spouse? Share them in the comments section!

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Marriage communication is one of the most important factors in keeping a peaceful relationship. Somewhere in the world right now, there’s a couple arguing about one of the topics I’ll discuss. And while I can’t answer any of these questions for you, effective communication in marriage and compromise are keys. To know which topics you should discuss with your spouse, read on!

Marriage Communication | What Couples Argue About

1. Can You Still Be Friends with the Opposite Sex?

Some say yes because many friendships are platonic. And, some say no because it’s a setup for infidelity or it’s disrespectful to one’s spouse. What do you think? What are the boundaries?

2. How Much Time Should You Spend with Your Single Friends?

Some will say single friends are nothing but trouble for married people because of the season they’re in and the undue influence. Others will say it doesn’t matter because friendships shouldn’t have to end once someone gets married. What’s the compromise in your mind?

3. Should You Tone Down Your Sexy?

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Some say if I work for it (or bought it), I earned the right to show off all my sexy. Others say when you become a wife or husband, you should tone it down, so as to not get that kind of attention. Y’all tell me…what do you think?

4. Are Conversations with Exes Still Okay?

Some say he or she might be an ex, but now, their relationship is strictly that of friends. Others say once you cross that line, there isn’t any un-crossing it, and being friends with your ex isn’t cool. I’m sure there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, but I’m interested in hearing thoughts!

5. Should You Give Your Spouse Access to All Your Social Media Accounts and Passwords to Your Phone?

Some folks think being married is not synonymous with forgoing all privacy, while others say once you’re married, there’s no privacy between spouses. I’m sure you all have some opinions on this one!

6. What Time Do You Consider as Being “Disrespectful” to Come Back Home?

If you have a boys’ or girls’ night out, is there a married person’s curfew? Some say like your mother used to say that “ain’t nothing good happening after midnight in the streets!” Is there a time that coming in after gets to be “disrespectful?”

 
 

 

7. How Much Time Is Too Much Time with Your Boys/Girls?

One of the things that cause lots of arguments and cause marriage communication to break down is when your spouse spends too much time with his/her squad. Well, what’s too much time? What if they still spend appropriate time with you as well. Is it still an issue?

8. Can You Still Go Out of Town Without Your Spouse?

Should you be going on girls’ and guys’ trips without your spouse? Should you be going to social events out of town without your wife or husband by your side? Some say for sure, while others don’t like it. What do you think?

9. How Much Sex Should Be Expected?

african-couple-bed-marriage-communication-ss.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/african-couple-bed-marriage-communication-ss-349x196.jpg 349w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/african-couple-bed-marriage-communication-ss-463x260.jpg 463w" alt="How Much Sex Should Be Expected? | "Not So Easy" Topics Every Married Couple Needs to Discuss | peaceful relationship" width="625" height="351" />

Some people say if you get married, sex should be on the table at any time, while others say it’s unreasonable to expect sex numerous times during a week because of work, kids, responsibilities, and just being tired. How come frequency of sex seems to be such a big issue?

10. Is It Okay to Have a “Work Wife” or “Work Husband?” or Is It Out of Bounds?

Is this kosher or just off limits?

11. How Much About Marital Issues Should You Share with Family or Friends?

Some people think it’s okay to vent to parents, siblings, or friends about strife going on in the marriage, while others say everything that happens in the marriage should stay between the husband and wife “only.” This one causes all kinds of arguments, so what’s the answer?

 

Learn more about marriage from these four male professionals in this video by BlackDoctor.org:

So, these are the 11 controversial topics that consistently come up that require effective marriage communication around the world. And although I didn’t offer up any advice about them, I think they must be discussed. My point is that issues in marriage are more universal than we think, and you aren’t in it alone. Communicating expectations is the key. Each couple may see these things differently, but the compromise will only happen through clear communication!

What other topics can you add to the list above and how would you define effective marriage communication? Share them in the comments section!

 

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

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I am always looking for new ways to breathe life into my marriage, and this is why I want to share with you the power of love affirmations. I believe that being comfortable in any part of your life, including your marriage, is a dangerous place to be. Stay out of the danger zone and use positive affirmations in your marriage to rekindle the love.

Love Affirmations to Keep the Fire Burning

In this article:

 

 

Marriage Affirmations Keep Spouses from Taking Each Other for Granted

People who “fall out of love” don’t just stop loving each other overnight. It starts because they get comfortable and eventually, take one another for granted. I don’t ever want to look at my husband and wonder who he is or why we’re together. I want this love and the bond we have to last a lifetime. But, I know that it’s going to take unconditional love, prayer, and a powerful commitment to make it happen.

 

Learning Love Affirmations from “War Room”

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My husband and I recently watched the War Room, and I have to admit that I got checked; actually, we both did. This movie helped me realize that I didn’t have a prayer strategy in place for my marriage, specifically for my husband.

If you’re late to the game like we were, and you haven’t watched this movie, I highly recommend it! It’s a must-watch whether you’re married or not.

 

Positive Affirmations Rekindle the Love

I am big on reading, writing, and reciting affirmations. I have an affirmations app on my phone that sends me notifications of my favorite ones throughout the day. After watching the movie, I decided to get focused and create a prayer strategy for my husband and our marriage as well as some marriage affirmations. My hope is these affirmations help you as much as I know they’ll help me and my husband.

 

20 Marriage Affirmations to Elevate Your Relationship

  1. My marriage grows stronger and more loving every single day.
  2. My marriage is built on love, trust, and loyalty.
  3. My spouse is so supportive and helpful and encourages me to follow my dreams.
  4. {Insert name} and I are happier and more in love today than the day we were married.
  5. My spouse loves me unconditionally and their love helps me to be a better person.
  6. My wife/husband is a true blessing in my life and our marriage is a miracle.
  7. My marriage is prayerful, powerful, and passionate.
  8. My marriage is a joy and a gift from God.
  9. I am loyal, devoted, and compassionate every day to {insert name}.
  10. My spouse is one of my greatest blessings, and I will treat them with honor and respect.
  11. My spouse is capable of becoming the person God created them to be.
  12. We strive for greatness in our marriage and will not settle for anything less.
  13. I enjoy falling in love with the same person over and over again as if for the first time.
  14. I attracted the perfect mate who enjoys my presence and I accept him/her wholeheartedly.
  15. I am faithful to my spouse and my spouse is faithful to me.
  16. My marriage is built on a rock-solid foundation that will stand the test of time.
  17. I love my spouse with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul.
  18. I look forward to growing old with my spouse by my side.
  19. My marriage is free from hurt, anger, and lack.
  20. My marriage is full of abundance, love, and compassion.

 

 

Love affirmations are an often overlooked part of people’s marriages. We never truly say how much our partners mean to us; not enough, at least. Use these marriage affirmations and set aside some time with your spouse. Communicate with your spouse; talk to him about your concerns, worries, things you want to do, and things that make you happy. You will find that becoming more open with each other will only make your marriage stronger.

BMWK: What are some ways that you renew and reignite the bond you share with your spouse?

 

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

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Bad communication can trap you inside an unhappy marriage. Find out what you can do to improve communication in your marriage here!

In this article:

  1. Top Unhappy Marriage Signs
  2. Our Communication Story
  3. Real Talk
  4. The A’s and B’s of the Four C’s
  5. The 20 C’s of Effective Communication in Your Marriage
  6. How to Get Started Improving Communication in Your Marriage
  7. How We Turned It Around in Our Marriage

Overcoming an Unhappy Marriage with Better Communication

 

 

 

Top Unhappy Marriage Signs

Communication-between-a-husband-and-wife-is-like-a-river-unhappy-marriage.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Communication-between-a-husband-and-wife-is-like-a-river-unhappy-marriage-294x196.jpg 294w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Communication-between-a-husband-and-wife-is-like-a-river-unhappy-marriage-390x260.jpg 390w" alt="Top Unhappy Marriage Signs | Communication: How We Went From Fussing and Fighting to Being Happily Married for 10 Years | top unhappy marriage signs" width="625" height="417" />
We’ve all been there:

Husband: “Honey, you look beautiful today?”

Wife: “What do you mean, ‘today?’”

Or

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Wife: “Babe, you’re the best!”

Husband: “Best out of whom?”

And so it begins. Poor communication can literally ruin a relationship. It’s one of the unhappy marriage signs you should be wary of. As a wife and mother in a once struggling, blended family, I know.

So, how did we grow from an unspeakably troubled union into the nationally featured and leading voice of African-American relationships and parenting?

First, consider the following analogy:

Communication between a husband and wife is like a river. When you are able to speak freely, openly, and constructively with your spouse, everything flows smoothly.

However, like a river cluttered with debris, our relationships suffer when we avoid the important issues…

…and focus only on the routine matters of life:

  • Dentist appointments
  • Grocery shopping
  • Our kid’s activities

Eventually, with enough pressure, our suppressed emotions, ideas, and thoughts come crashing through that wall. And, like a suddenly broken dam, all hell…

  • Name calling
  • Door Slamming
  • Filthy Language
  • No language

…breaks loose.

Words are flowing again…but it’s not exactly the same peaceful flowing river we previously experienced.

It is like the uncontrollable, white water rapids.

And those rapids can cause damage that will affect your intimacy and closeness with each other.

That’s why it’s important to nip communication issues in the bud before they become raging rapids.

In this article, I’m going to reveal to you the communication-based tips and techniques we used and continue to use in our marriage to be able to have effective communication which resulted in an increased level of intimacy and closeness that we could have never imagined before we got married.

 

Our Communication Story

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In the early days of our marriage, our communication sucked!

I was a single mother of two who was raised in a two parent home by a couple who has been married for more than forty years.

Lamar was a single man who was raised by his mom.

We entered our marriage with vastly different expectations and clearly distinct styles of communicating.

It wasn’t long before we were having problems effectively expressing our expectations and resolving differences in a healthy way.

And since every attempt at substantive communication was ineffectual, we began to avoid the tough conversations altogether.

We quickly learned: Avoiding the straight talk – those tough conversations – only delayed the inevitable.

When disciplinary issues arose, the fights came with them. When differences in opinion came down, we threw our hands up.

Our communication was barely existent. Our intimacy was in turmoil. Our marriage began to crumble.

We had to find a solution. Fast.

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Real Talk

May I be honest with you?

Most of the couples that we talk to say they are having communication problems in their marriages.

In our line of work, we are privileged to speak, either live or via the web, with hundreds (if not thousands) of couples each year. A recent webinar poll revealed this shocking reality:

OVER 72% OF PARTICIPANTS WERE HAVING COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS.
TNMSeventy-Two-Percent-unhappy-marriage.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNMSeventy-Two-Percent-unhappy-marriage-294x196.jpg 294w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNMSeventy-Two-Percent-unhappy-marriage-390x260.jpg 390w" alt="OVER 72% OF PARTICIPANTS WERE HAVING COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS. | Communication: How We Went From Fussing and Fighting to Being Happily Married for 10 Years | unhappy marriage signs" width="625" height="417" />
And you know what else they said?

We’ve read books and we are trying to do everything right…but my spouse and I are still having problems communicating.

You know what I told them…

You’re not doing enough.

I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

 

How to Learn Better Communication

Get our expert-led video training on better communication from the comfort of your own home.

Click here to learn about our BMWK Effective Communication Course! 

 

The A’s and B’s of the Four C’s

If you’re reading this, and great communication is an issue for you and your spouse, then by now you may have heard of the Four C’s of Effective Communication:

  1. Comprehensiveness – can your message be understood?
  2. Credibility – is your message credible and can it be backed up by data?
  3. Connectivity – can your intended audience connect with your message…does it invoke emotion?
  4. Contagiousness – is your message contagious… and will it stick with your intended audience?

Utilizing this technique may set you on the right path. But it may not get you to your desired destination.

What is that desired destination?
It’s being able to talk to your spouse about anything and everything at any time. Am I right?
You want to have regular conversations with your spouse.
You want to share what’s on your mind: your deepest secrets, your most pressing concerns, and your most embarrassing moments.
You want to argue or disagree with your spouse without it becoming an all-out brawl that leaves you feeling hurt or, even worse, wanting to leave your marriage.
You want to laugh, cry, and be vulnerable with your spouse and feel close enough to sincerely share tender moments.
You want to know that your spouse knows your heart. So that even when you don’t have the right words to say, your spouse knows exactly how you feel at that moment.
At the most basic level, you want to know that your spouse gets you.

 

The 20 C’s of Effective Communication in Your Marriage

TNM20CsofCommunicationInMarriage-unhappy-marriage.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNM20CsofCommunicationInMarriage-unhappy-marriage-131x196.jpg 131w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNM20CsofCommunicationInMarriage-unhappy-marriage-173x260.jpg 173w" alt="The 20 C’s of Effective Communication in Your Marriage | Communication: How We Went From Fussing and Fighting to Being Happily Married for 10 Years | how to get out of an unhappy marriage" width="625" height="937" />
While talking is important for effective communication, researchers estimate that when a person is discussing what they like or dislike, approximately 60% of that communication is non-verbal.

While what you say is important, so is how you say it, when you say it, and the attitude with which you say it.

And this is how we know that there are so many more components that factor into effective communication in a marriage. In fact, we say there are 20 C’s of Effective Communication in Marriage:

  1. Consideration – you must be considerate of your spouse’s feelings when talking to them.
  2. Control – you should exercise self-control when you are communicating with your spouse. Going “ham” and saying things that you will regret later is not acceptable.
  3. Coordination – when trying to have the tough conversations, it’s important to coordinate with your spouse. When you choose to bring up topics is just as important as how you choose to tell them.
  4. Consciousness – it’s important to be conscious of your verbal and non-verbal cues when communicating with your spouse. Are you saying one thing, but your actions are saying something different?
  5. Concentration – when your spouse is speaking, you should intentionally concentrate on what is being said in an effort to understand rather than on what you are going to say next.
  6. Comfort – you and your spouse should create a safe space to express yourselves without fear of retribution and feel comfortable enough to tell each other anything (good or bad).
  7. Connection – It’s hard to communicate with a person that you are not emotionally connected with. Ensuring emotional connection is important.
  8. Cuddling – physically touching (holding hands, sitting close, touching knees) when you are having conversations with your spouse (especially the tough ones) helps to keep the situation under control.
  9. Calmness – when things get heated, remember to call a time-out until you are able to calm down.
  10. Complaining – yes, that is right…complain. We are not asking you to avoid the tough conversations (as that would build resentment). We are, however, asking you to be mindful in how you address your issues.
  11. Coaching – talking comes naturally for most people, but being able to effectively communicate with your spouse will take extra effort. You will need to practice your communication skills over and over again until they improve.
  12. Caring – you can be the best communicator in the world, but it will mean nothing if you are selfish and if you are manipulative.
  13. Candor – being open, honest, and sincere is the only way to go. A lack of trust can severely hamper communication.
  14. Confidence – believe it or not, a large part of your communication success has to do with mindset. Are you confident that things will improve and get better? Or, are you certain that things will stay the same or get worse? Your thoughts have the ability to influence your actions. If you expect a disagreement, there will probably be one.
  15. Change – you come into marriage with certain expectations and so does your spouse. Therefore, you will need to be flexible and open to adjusting those expectations.
  16. Compromise – when things get tough, are you able to cut a deal? Can you work together to find a solution that works for the both of you?
  17. Choice – you can choose to always address your spouse in a loving way, even during those times when you are not feeling so loving.
  18. Counseling – sometimes you need a qualified 3rd party to help you through the challenges you can’t resolve on your own – therapist, coach, mentor, pastor, or trusted friend or family member.
  19. Commitment – you can’t improve the communication in your marriage on your own. You both have to be committed to the process of understanding each other and working on a communication process that works best for your relationship.
  20. Companionship – this goes hand-in-hand with commitment. One of the joys of being married is the partnership. Your spouse needs to know that you’re on their team, you have their back, and they can come to you with anything.

Wow, that seems like a lot…no wonder people are having communication problems in their marriages.

But, I believe that most people are already doing, or have the capacity to do, more than 80% of the items on the list.

Just think about how you apply the 20 C’s of effective communication in your jobs.
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In our everyday lives, we are able to communicate effectively with people or co-workers. And sometimes we don’t even like those people.

But we do it.

We schedule time to talk about issues (meetings)…

We compromise…

We’re flexible and we make changes…

We remain calm…

We work on solutions…

We’re attentive and we take notes…

We refrain from name calling…

We refrain from neck and eye-rolling (or at least we try to)…

We remain committed even if we hate what we’re being asked to do…

We get up every day, we go to work and try again…

And we do all of this because the alternative to losing our jobs is not desirable to us.

But isn’t the alternative of losing your marriage much worse than losing a job?

 

How to Get Started Improving Communication in Your Marriage

Most people are not born with an innate ability to effectively communicate with anyone, much less in a marriage.

If you want to have healthy, open and honest communication in your marriage, you will have to work on it.

But, where should you start?

  • First, have honest discussions about the state of communication in your marriage – what works, and what’s not working.
  • Begin to put in the work to identify what needs to be done to ensure each person feels clearly understood.

This doesn’t happen overnight; you will need to be intentional about obtaining the right skills and setting the time aside to work on your unhappy marriage.

This is why we’ve created the BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training) – a five-part training led by BMWK communication expert Emma J. Wallace, M.Ed., LAPC, NCC (includes exercises and worksheets) that will show you how to quickly start changing the communication in your marriage so you can make things better.

 

How We Turned It Around in Our Marriage

Today, I can tell my spouse anything and I feel confident that we will eventually come to a place of resolution.

I say eventually because we don’t always agree. But I can confidently say that we are always looking for ways to accommodate each other.

I no longer worry about being right…what matters is whether my spouse is OK.

Getting to this point took a lot of work on both of our parts.

Like us, you don’t have to be trapped in an unhappy marriage. By implementing the tools and tips shared by our BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training), you too can learn how to get out of an unhappy marriage and right into a happy one!

And the best part of this is you can receive this training from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

 

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

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The difference between couples who have great communication in relationships and those who can’t seem to talk about anything without fussing and fighting is action. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it is this difference that matters most. You have to work hard to fix what seems to be destroying your relationship through proper communication. To know how to achieve a healthy communication in relationships, read on.

In this article:

  1. Benefits of Healthy Communication in Relationships
  2. Intention
  3. Transparency
  4. Plans
  5. Knowing Each Other
  6. Getting Help

How to Improve Communication in Relationships | 5 Things to Focus On

This is Part 2 of a 3-part series on improving communication in your marriage:

 

Benefits of Healthy Communication in Relationships

Most people don’t come into a marriage knowing how to effectively communicate with their spouse. They haven’t been taught communication skills. In fact, more often than not, they’ve learned how to communicate from the bad examples of relationships they saw growing up.

Couples who recognize that communication is indeed an issue and then seek to intentionally make improvements are reaping the benefits.

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What are those benefits?

  • Speaking freely and openly with your spouse.
  • Sharing your most private thoughts in a safe place.
  • Voicing your concerns when issues arise.
  • Knowing that those concerns and issues are being addressed.
 

1. Intention

Having pure intentions in saving our marriage through communication has helped us work things out. We were intentional by prioritizing communication with each other every day. Regardless of how busy we are, we see to it to communicate regularly. We made this our top priority.

 
 

2. Transparency

As a couple, we were transparent and real. We were able to create a safe place to share our thoughts. No judgments. No small things. Every event in our life is a big deal that must be shared with each other. Being transparent with your partner is where trust and communication in relationships go hand-in-hand.

 

3. Plans

TNMCoupleTalkExplainArgue-communication-in-relationships.jpghttps://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNMCoupleTalkExplainArgue-communication-in-relationships-371x196.jpg 371w, https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/TNMCoupleTalkExplainArgue-communication-in-relationships-492x260.jpg 492w" alt="Plans | Things We Did to Improve Our Communication and Save Our Marriage | trust and communication in relationships" width="625" height="330" />
We learned how to make plans for handling issues when they arise. We weren’t caught off guard when mishaps knocked on our door because we have plans for storms like these. Sure, it wasn’t always easy, but a lack of communication will make it so much harder than it ever was. Communicating with each otherhelped us dodged bullets.

 

4. Knowing Each Other

Through communication, I got to know my spouse even better. I was able to identify my partner’s likes and dislikes, secret desires and fears, and many other remarkable details. In the long run, these are the things that made me love my spouse more and more each day.

 

5. Getting Help

We got the help we needed from resources and experts on how to improve our communication. While some couples may think that asking help from others can make them look weak, you have to put your ego aside and talk to people you trust, even professionals. Seek help if this is what can help you improve your communication with your spouse.

 

Watch this video to know what we did to turn things around in our marriage and improve the communication:

And for every one of these positive actions that we took towards improving communication in relationships, we got one step closer to each other. We got there and you can too. In our BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training),we’ll show you how to master the art of communication in your marriage. Through expert-led instruction, you’ll learn exactly how to have a healthy, open, and honest communication in your marriage.

Do you agree with our ways on how to improve communication in relationships? Tell us in the comments section below!

 

Source: https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

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